


my love's gone

by exrui



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Canon Compliant, Character Death, Coping, Dialogue-Only, Inner Dialogue, M/M, Minor Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Steve Rogers Feels, this is kind of an open letter? i could say
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-24 17:01:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21681385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exrui/pseuds/exrui
Summary: steve's thoughts on tony and his death.
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	my love's gone

**Author's Note:**

> i really don't like how this came out, but i'll just post it anyway

'you were one of the first people to welcome me to a new world that i didn't understand. 

even when all i did the first time we met was _chastise_ you. i could admit, i had a pretty _big_ stick up my ass back then.

but things started getting better between us, _slowly_. but it worked.

we became friends. something that i've longed for.

but, i was the one to mess it up.

just as we started getting closer, in a relationship. i was _happy_. you made me the happiest man on earth. 

the way you would look at me, touch me, _everything!_

i did the same for you, as i knew you were having a tough time with pepper, you both separating.

i was selfish as i wanted you for myself. i wanted you to only focus on _me_. 

then ultron came around, and i blamed you for something that wasn't your fault. i tended to do that a lot, now that i'm slowly realizing.

then came the accords, and everything just went out of the window. i didn't listen, i admit. i was being _incredibly_ irrational, i didn't want to agree, my mind was set on bucky, and i didn't want them to hurt him.

but i didn't realize that all i was doing was hurting _you_ _too_.

i've made too many mistakes with our friendship and relationship. i've hurt you so many times. i was so blinded by my own thoughts, and my own cloud of righteousness, that i was a _fool_ to hurt the one i love.

but pepper was there for you when i wasn't. and i'm glad she was. you needed someone to be there at your side, and to give you unconditional love, and to not hurt you like _i_ did.

she gave you your daughter. _morgan_. she's adorable, and so kind, but i sometimes used to be jealous that i couldn't have gave you that gift. but she'll grow up to be a smart and good person, like you. and all i can do is adore her, just like you and pepper both.

morgan was _so_ special to you, and she made you so happy. you fought for _her_. for _pepper_. for _all of us_.

you're a real hero. you're the most noble and heroic of all of us. and i wish i would've realized that sooner. seeing you die, lifeless on at the end of it all broke me to pieces. it felt like i was being strangled, my throat constricted as i watched peter cry and pepper hold you close. 

i was shocked, and depressed. you were gone. not that i didn't know you weren't gonna' die, i did. i just..didn't think it would be so soon.

some things were cleared up, and some other things were left unspoken and unresolved. 

i wish we had time to talk about everything. but we never got there.

what i'm saying is, _i'm sorry_. i'm sorry for everything i've done. i regret it, _i really do_. i wish i could just take back all the terrible things i've done, every thing i've done to hurt you. i wish i could start over from the beginning so i wouldn't hurt you this time. so we can finally be together.

but i wouldn't want to at the same time. 

all i ever wanted was the best for you.

and you have a _family_. pepper brought out the best in you. i know, i could go back, with bruce's help. but one thing i wouldn't want to take away is your happiness.

maybe for a few seconds, i could see you again.

oh, how i'd love that. 

but there's always another way. and i'm willing to wait until i can meet you again. some other way, some how.

 _i love you_. i can do nothing but love you. and i always will.

i'm sorry i never patched things up with you, or put in the effort. i'm so fucking sorry, if i did, i wouldn't be balling right now. nor would i be trying to hide the pain of how much i'm not ready to let you go.

but one day, we'll meet again. and oh how i long for that day.

until then,

i miss you tony, _my love_.'

**Author's Note:**

> !!!


End file.
